The Dionysus Guide: Decoding Winespeak

I’ve spent a lot of time traveling the world, and even more time working as a server at a wine bar & bistro. While waiting tables is not nearly as glamorous as jet-setting around Europe, both experiences gave me the opportunity to learn a ton about one of God’s greatest gifts to humanity–Wine.

After being tasked on more occasions than I can count to choose wine for both friends and family, I have decided to share what I’ve learned through a new blog segment–The Dionysus Guide. I’m by no means a sommelier, and won’t be focusing on the hoity-toity or the technical. In the spirit of the fun-loving Greek god of wine and festivals, I hope to share my passion for wine without the pretense, and make choosing your next bottle or glass an adventure rather than a shot in the dark.

Decoding Winespeak

A grimy lavender finish and 150-proof sauerkraut elements are entangled in the 2008 Semillon from Acme Winery.

Say What? I created the above wine tasting notes using the tongue-in-cheek Wine Review Generator thats stated goal is to lampoon the pompousness and complexity of winespeak. It’s quite the absurd description, yet I’ve seen worse on the back of real wine bottles.

One of the biggest hurdles to navigating the world of wine is that the industry is chock-full of jargon. Reading the back of a wine bottle or listening to your waiter describe a wine is sometimes like trying to read Beowulf in old English…you’re guessing every other word. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and say that your waiter probably doesn’t really even know what they’re talking about. The majority of the time they read the back of the bottle, sew together some fancy words, then pray you don’t ask any challenging questions that would send their house of cards tumbling to the ground.

So, for the inaugural Dionysus Guide post, we’re going to tackle some of the most common terms used to describe and categorize wine:

Reading the Wine Bottle:

Varietal: The type of grape(s) used to make the wine. This is probably the most important factor in determining taste. A Miller Light is going to taste a lot more like a Bud Light than a Guinness because both are light pale lagers. In the same way, a wine made with Pinot Noir grapes is going to have a consistent set of flavors that differentiate it from a wine made with Cabernet Sauvignon grapes.

Winery: The company or vineyard that produces the wine. Most wineries have more than one type of wine, so if you find a bottle you like you can try out their other options.

Vintage: The year the grapes were harvested. Younger wines are generally more fruity and crisp, while older wines are more smooth and balanced.

Location: Where the grapes in a wine were grown can have a significant impact on the final taste. Often, the wines produced from a certain region will share common characteristics. This could be due to the soil, temperature, style of planting, etc. Also, wines from colder climates have a tendency to taste crisper, while wines from warmer climates are more ripe and tropical. But none of these are hard and fast rules.

Alcohol Content: The concentration of alcohol in the wine definitely plays a part in how the wine tastes, and is closely related to the terms full-bodied and light-bodied. But we’ll discuss those more later.

Words Used to Describe Taste:

Full-bodied: The wine has a higher alcohol content. When you swish it around in your mouth it will feel heavier and thicker.

Light-bodied: This wine has a lower alcohol content. The aforementioned swish will reveal a lighter, thinner-feeling wine.

Mouth-feel: Simply the feel of a wine in your mouth. Different wines have drastically different feelings that can be influenced by a number of factors.

Balanced: A wine is balanced when its various flavors and characteristics complement each other harmoniously. If a wine is lacking balance, something is out of whack, like a recipe gone wrong. Maybe the wine is sickeningly sweet or overly acidic. Whatever the case, drinking an un-balanced wine is not a pleasant experience.

Acidity: All wine is acidic, but each wine will vary in the intensity and amount of acid. If a wine is too acidic it will taste harsh and sour (like drinking vinegar), but if a wine is too low in acidity it will taste dull and flat (like soda that’s lost its carbonation). The happy medium ranges from crisp and refreshing on one end to soft and smooth on the other.

Finish: The lingering aftertaste of a wine. Finishes are generally described by how long they linger (short/long) and their flavor.

Nose: The smell of the wine. It can enhance (or detract) from the taste, but also be enjoyed in its own right.

Tannins: They come from the skin of the grape and provide a sensation that is difficult to describe because it is felt, not tasted. Think a dryish texture-filled mouth feeling. Tannins are most evident in red wines and often add complexity and nuance. Tannins can be described by their amount, and also their style (grippy, silky, oaky, smooth, hard, soft, firm, etc.)

Fruit-Forward: It tastes fruity! (but not necessarily sweet.)

Spicy: A little different from jalapeños. Describes a flavor of spices like cinnamon, anise, pepper, etc.

Sweet: Just what you think it means. A high sugar content or a sweet flavor (and the opposite of dry).

Oaky: The multitude of woody flavors and smells that can result when wine is aged in oak barrels.

Buttery: The smooth creamy taste of toast and butter.  Results from wine being aged in oak.

Dry: Not sweet and low in sugar. Be careful not to confuse “dry” with tannins. Tannins do make your mouth feel dry but have nothing to do with sugar content.

Effervescent: Bubbly. Could be highly carbonated (like Champagne) or slightly (like Vinho Verde).

Jammy: A ripe berry-like flavor, with low acidity.

Velvety/Smooth: Two words to describe a well-balanced wine that goes down easy with a silky texture and mouth-feel.

There are hundreds of ways to describe wine, but I don’t see any need to get carried away. What really matters is that you enjoy the wine you drink, and don’t get caught up in the jargon. Hopefully knowing the above terms can help you find something you like at the grocery store, or maybe even impress a date.

Stay tuned for my next post on the wines of Spain!